Yesterday I brought three complete newbies into the hobby, spent ages choosing and settled on Splendor. I figured the rules were simple, and it'd be fun just touching the chips.
Halfway through the game, the entire private room went dead silent.
All four people said nothing, just staring intently at the cards on the table doing frantic mental math.
This game is toxic—you think you're just taking gems, but actually you're calculating how many turns until someone else can grab that noble. I was eyeing that 5-point card in the third row, painstakingly saving up green gems for three turns, and before my turn even came around, the guy sitting to my left just slapped his hand down and blind-took it, tucking the card away!
He didn't even need that card! He just saw I wanted it and deliberately blocked me!
My heart just died right there. For the next three whole turns I had no idea what I was doing, my brain completely crashed, and all my previous plans were ruined.
And the texture of those chips is really something else. Whenever someone goes into deep thought, everyone unconsciously starts rubbing the chips, click-clack click-clack, making it feel like a Macau casino—the pressure is intense.
Anyway, from now on, if anyone tells me this game is a relaxing, casual gateway game, I will absolutely fight them. This is clearly a cold, emotionless abacus simulator—zero conversation the whole time, everyone silently scheming against each other in their heads.
What do you all usually play when bringing complete newbies in? Don't mention Splendor to me—right now every time I close my eyes, all I hear is the sound of rubbing chips.
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